


Do Not Enter!  Nudity In Progress!

by cdelbridge



Category: johnlock - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Military Kink, cross dressing, nude weekend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:42:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22101244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdelbridge/pseuds/cdelbridge
Summary: The weather is nasty so Sherlock plans a cozy weekend at home.
Relationships: Johnlock
Comments: 86
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> How do I say this nicely? Um, sometimes life imitates art.

The weather forecast was ugly. Sleet, accumulating snow and bone chilling cold for the weekend. John Watson had stopped on the way home from work for provisions so he and his husband could hibernate for the weekend. He had to admit he was looking forward to it.

Of course every person in London had the same idea and the grocery was packed. Finally dragging himself and several bags home, he was surprised to see a sign on their door. He was even more surprised when he got close enough to read it.

”Nudity in progress! Only knock if you’re prepared for an eyeful!”

Oh dear god, John thought as he opened the door with trepidation. Do I even want to know?

A naked, six foot consulting spouse bounced up to him with a smile. “John! I’m so glad you’re home!” Sherlock kissed his husband, grabbed a bag and led him to the kitchen. “I have plans for this weekend and you’re overdressed! Hurry and take off your clothes while I get us something to drink.”

John felt momentarily lost. Finally managing to regain somewhat normal speech, he said, “Um, Sherlock, dearest spouse, care to explain?” He gestured at Sherlock and then around the room, “Everything.”

Sherlock did an eye roll and began, “Its going to be nasty this weekend.”

”Yes, I watched the weather with you this morning.” He made “continue” motions with his hands.

”I’m declaring this weekend “a no clothes weekend”. I plan on being nude until Monday morning. I suggest you join me. I’ve told Lestrade not to call unless the case is a thirteen. I plan to do everything nude this weekend and you’ll benefit as well.” Sherlock leaned against the wall and posed elegantly.

John smiled and said, “what are the rules?” He began to unbutton his shirt as he talked.

”No clothes! Everything must be done in the nude. If you’re cold, grab a blanket.” Sherlock watched his husband remove his shirt with interest. “Do you have rules you’d like to add?”

John threw his shirt down and started undoing his trousers. “What happens if someone knocks?” The work pants joined the shirt.

”As the sign says, they get an eyeful. The only way we can get dressed is if an emergency happens and we have to leave 221B.”

”I’m game.” John removed his pants. “Give me a minute to think of any other rules I want to add.”

Sherlock smiled broadly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Additional rules!

John, naked now and enjoying a drink as he made dinner turned to his husband with a question. “What about Mrs. Hudson?”

Sherlock, who was removing experiment debris from the kitchen table, said, “What about her? I explained my plans for the weekend. She thanked me for the “warning” but said she was spending it with her new boyfriend so wouldn’t be home” He left the kitchen with an armful of test tubes and such. Coming back, he added, “although she pointed out it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before.”

”True.” John added seasoning to the sauce and stirred. “So, we can wear clothes again Monday in time for work, right?”

”Yes, but not until. Unless it’s an emergency that takes us outside or a case that’s at least a thirteen.” Sherlock came up behind his husband, wrapped his arms around him and hugged him from behind. “Rules you want to add?”

John closed his eyes and leaned against his husband’s shoulder. “Just one, I get to decide if any potential cases are actually a thirteen and worthy of getting dressed for.”

”You drive a hard bargain Mr Watson-Holmes”, as Sherlock ground his pelvis into John’s arse. “But OK.” He moved back to the table, “dinner soon? I’m starved.”

”Wait a minute,” John paused as he put their dinner on the table. “What about sexual aids? If I want to see you prance around the house in black stilettos and a butt plug, that should be in the rules. Agreed?

”Agreed as long as I get to see you dressed in your dog tags and black leather chaps.” Sherlock smiled as he sat down and starting dishing out food. “For some reason, nudity makes me hungry.”

”Good to know,” his husband said seriously. “So all I needed to do to get you to eat was prance around naked? The things I learn.”

”Wouldn’t want you to get bored with me!”, Sherlock said with a smile as he sipped his wine.

”Not much chance of that!” John thought to himself as he watched the beautiful, naked man he was married to get up for more wine.”No chance at all.”


	3. Watch Her Strut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They love to watch her strut

John had to admit there was something liberating about their nudity. Lying on the sofa together, watching bad telly, wrapped around each other and covered in a blanket, he thought it was their closeness more than anything else. They hadn’t even moved to sexual escapades although that would change he was sure. Satiated by the warmth and Sherlock wrapped around him, he drifted off to sleep.

He wasn’t exactly sure what woke him sometime later but he was still on the sofa, the fire was low and Sherlock wasn’t next to him. He shifted lazily, stretched and opened his eyes to a spectacle. Standing in front of him was a six foot plus figure in a red silk blouse, short leather skirt, black hose and black stilettos. This amazing figure was facing away from him but John knew it had to be his husband. He must have made some sound because the head turned slightly, a tongue came out and licked the luscious Cupid’s bow, music started and the figure began to move. 

Dimly John was aware that he was listening to Bob Seger’s “Her Strut” but his focus was on the incredible figure in front of him. “She’s totally committed to major independence. She’s a lady through and through....”. Sherlock was moving to the music, rotating his hips, making the short skirt sway. “But oh, they love to watch her strut...”. His gorgeous husband strutted away from him with his mile long legs. John was dimly aware that his mouth was dry and he was painfully erect.

”Sometimes they’ll want to leave her. Just give up and leave her...”. Sherlock turned and strolled back towards John who lost whatever saliva he had left when he noticed his husband had their whip in his hand. “The lady will be all they ever dreamed. Oh, they’ll kill to make the cut...”. His spouse was standing right in front of him now. Still gyrating in time to the music, he took the whip and used it to move the blanket away from John’s torso and groin, exposing his leaking cock. He used the tip to lightly touch the head with its pre-come then, still moving in time, he licked the tip clean. John figured it was a good thing he was already prone or he’d have fallen over. “Love to watch her strut...”

The music ended and John waited, still painfully hard, to see what was next. He didn’t have to wait long.

Billy Squier’s “Everybody Wants You” came on and Sherlock switched gears. Standing in front of John, he turned again and started to lift his skirt. John noticed the thigh high stockings and moved to touch his cock. Out of nowhere, the whip smacked his knuckles and he stopped. Looking up, he saw Sherlock smirk and shake his finger at him then he turned back around.

”Everybody wants you...”. Somehow Sherlock was getting hotter as this went on. He lifted up his skirt revealing an erection straining to escape his lace panties. Still moving in time to the music (somehow, John would have fallen off the heels), “you give it all away. Everybody wants you...., his spouse moved aside the lace from his gorgeous arse and John, dizzily, could see the butt plug. “You crave attention, you can never say no. Throw your affections anyway the wind blows....”. The panties landed on his chest. “Putting on the eyes till there’s nobody else...”. Sherlock was facing away from John again, lifting the skirt to his waist he started moving the plug in and out. John thought he moaned, or yelled, it was hard to be sure.

”Everybody wants you...”. At this, his gorgeous husband removed the toy, hiked up his skirt and sat down on the doctor’s cock, taking him all in. John put his hands on Sherlock’s hips and gave himself up for the ride. He wasn’t going to last long he knew as he moved his hands and wrapped them around the bobbing erection in front of him and doubted his husband was either. Rubbing his thumb over the weeping tip he heard a moan (his, Sherlock’s, the couch? Hard to tell) and knew they were both close. He felt his balls retract (“Everybody wants you...”) and then he was coming hard, Sherlock right behind him.

Finally, gasping for air with Sherlock sprawled over top of him, John whispered, “you’re overdressed.”

”Complaints?”, said a deep voice from his shoulder.

”None at all,” as he gathered his husband close.


	4. Ritualistic Smudging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lazy Saturday morning

John awoke slowly, stretched leisurely then rolled back to press his face into his spouse’s back. Last night had been amazing although that wasn’t the right word. Awesome? Stupendous? He’d have to work on it. 

Finally succumbing to the demands of his bladder, he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. He heard movement from their bedroom as he finished and moved back to see Sherlock awake and looking at his phone. 

“Hey,” he said as he climbed back into the warm bed and kissed his spouse.

Sherlock smiled, kissed him back then held up his phone. “Mycroft.”

“Nothing less than a thirteen Sherlock! And I get to decide.” John reminded him forcefully.

“You don’t have to remind me.” Sherlock said. “I have no desire to see Cake Boy. However his message is, “put on some clothes please, I’m on my way over.”

“How does he know we’re naked? God damn him he better not have installed cameras again!” John got out of bed and stomped around the room.

“I don’t think he does, just remarking on the weather and early hour. I have no intentions of getting dressed and neither should you.” Sherlock smirked as he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. “Maybe it will make him leave faster.”

~~~~~~~~

Sherlock was making tea and John breakfast when Mycroft walked in. Looking about him, he rolled his eyes and said, “Seriously? Do we not believe in clothing anymore?”

“Morning Mycroft,” John said pleasantly. “Would you like a plate?”

“Yes Mycroft, have some tea and sit down. You’re interrupting a clothes free weekend by the way.

”And this is different from your other weekends how?”, Mycroft sniffed and sat down. “Understand I’m only sitting because I can see less that way.”

Sherlock ignored him and said, “what brings the British government out in this weather?”

”The beginnings of an issue that will probably blow out of control next week. You can even do the prep work from home without having to dress yourselves.”, Mycroft said with an eye roll as he accepted a plate from John. “This one will require both of you I’m afraid.”

”Well we are both very busy this weekend..”, Sherlock began.

”Oh I’m sure you are judging by the stilettos on the sitting room floor. But in between mattress acrobatics, I’m sure you’ll need to come up for air and may even look at this for me.” He put a thick folder on the table and stood. “Thank you for breakfast John, now if you will excuse me I have a very busy day, even with the weather.”

As they heard Mycroft’s steps receding, Sherlock said, “ I always feel we should do a ritualistic smudging every time he leaves.”

John had to agree.


	5. Yes Sir Captain Watson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say it with me, dog tags!

Sherlock was bent over his microscope and simultaneously scribbling in his notebook when the atmosphere changed. It took our boy a few moments to notice this as he was thinking but eventually his second sense kicked in and he stood up, looking around curiously.

Standing against the kitchen door was a mouthwatering sight. John Watson was dressed in camouflage with his red pants peaking out over the top, his dog tags hung down his bare chest and his unlaced boots were on his feet. The air of command was about him and Sherlock gulped, feeling his dangly bits perking up.

”Private Holmes!”, John barked. Sherlock jumped.

”Yes sir.” The detective admitted he’d never been in the armed forces but he had a military kink the size of Scotland. He found himself standing at attention, excitedly waiting to see what was next.

Captain Watson came forward and looked Private Holmes in the eye (sort of, given the size difference but it’s the idea here). “Being insubordinate Holmes?”

”No sir. Not me sir.” Sherlock stared straight ahead. So did other parts of his anatomy.

”It looks like some parts of you are being very insubordinate Holmes.” John started walking back and forth in front of his husband.

”I have no control over that, sir.” Sherlock could feel his cock starting to weep.

”Like boys do you Holmes? I’ve seen the way you look at my ass.” John paced back and forth. “You look like you’d like to fuck my ass. Is that what you’d like boy?” John stared intently at the erection in front of him. Not allowing Sherlock time to speak, he continued, “But before I even consider allowing that, you have to prove to me you deserve it.” 

Sherlock continued looking straight ahead, “How do I do that, sir.”

”On your knees, Private.”

Sherlock sank to his knees, as committed to their role playing as John, and kept his eyes down not raising them until he heard material moving and saw Captain Watson’s large cock in front of him. His mouth watered.

”Prove to me those pretty lips are good for something, Private. And I may consider letting you fuck me this time. This time you understand. Usually I do the riding but I want to see if the rumors I’ve heard about you are true.” John moved his pants down to mid-thigh and Sherlock came forward.

Sherlock eyed the cock in front of him, looking up to John, he said, “may I suck sir.”

“You’d better Private.”

Sherlock took John in his mouth, licking the head lightly, exploring as if it were the first time. Licking the length, he moved up to the tip, looked at John beneath his lashes and took him all the way in. John moaned loudly and wrapped his hands in Sherlock’s curls. The detective started bobbing his head in earnest, listening to John moaning above him. Opening his throat, he took John in further. Resting his nose in the blonde pubic hairs, he looked up.

John was breathing deeply, eyes closed. At Sherlock stopping, he opened his eyes and looked down. “Very nice but did I say stop, Private?” Sherlock continued but John stopped him a moment later and said, “that is a talented mouth Holmes but what about your cock? Think you can fuck me?” John walked, with a little difficulty, to the sitting room chair, pulled his pants further down and lay over the arm.

Sherlock followed behind him. Running his hands over John’s bare arse, he said, “permission to speak frankly sir?” At a nod from his captain, Sherlock continued, “I’ve been looking forward to fucking this arse since I first saw it.” He moved his fingers to John’s hole but found his husband had already prepared himself. Moaning deeply, he reached between the cushions and opened the bottle of lube he found there. Coating himself and John’s hole, he slid into his husband in one smooth move.

They both yelled, for different reasons, and Sherlock held himself in place for a moment. John started rocking back into him so Sherlock started to move, setting a punishing rhythm. Reaching around his spouse, he grabbed John’s cock and matched it to his movements although it didn’t take much to send them messily over the edge.

Breathing deeply, Sherlock said, “forgive me Captain Watson, I forgot to ask permission to come.”

John, face down on the chair with Sherlock’s softening cock still inside him, raised an arm and said, “don’t let it happen again.”


	6. Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lethargy sets in

John was lying face down on their bed, face buried in Sherlock’s pillow, breathing in his husband’s scent. It was Sunday morning, a full day and a half of nudity behind them and John had no energy and no desire to move. 

He felt the mattress shift as his husband came back from the bathroom and climbed in behind John. When no reaction came from his spouse, Sherlock said. “You might want to breathe there John.” When still no reaction came, Sherlock continued, “I mean we’ve never done breath play and while I’m all for experimentation, I do draw the line at blue faces.”

John turned his face to the side and said, “well it’s nice to know you have limits. I’ve often wondered.”

“You should talk! After you attacked me in the kitchen that one time, I’ve never been able to look at a stick of butter the same way.” Sherlock stretched out full length. “I am enjoying this weekend though. You?”

John rolled over to face his spouse, “very much. We still have another twenty-four hours. Anything you’d like to do?”

”I’m sure we’ll think of something. We haven’t heard from Lestrade at all. If you have something to occupy yourself with though, I may look at Mycroft’s info.” Sherlock looked at John, “as long as you’re Ok with it.”

”Not getting dressed?” Sherlock shook his head. “Not leaving the flat before Monday morning?” Another negative. “Then I have no objections. Although I do want to hear about this case we could both be involved in.” He kissed his spouse and got out of bed. “For some reason I now have energy.”

”I like energetic, naked men. I’ll make the caffeine if you do breakfast.”, Sherlock called to his husband as he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen.


	7. The Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has Mycroft sent them?

Sherlock seated himself on his side of their partners desk with Mycroft’s file, his laptop and coffee. Needless to say, he was still nude.

John seated himself on his side of their desk with his laptop and coffee, preparing to work on his blog. He, of course, was also nude.

”It will feel weird to wear clothes again.” John stated a few minutes later. “If it wasn’t for having to leave the flat every so often, I could just forget about clothes while we’re home.”

”The things I never expected to hear you say John!”, Sherlock replied with a smile. “Actually, the biggest problem would be clients who come to the door unexpectedly. I’d hate to miss a really good case because people lust after my spouse’s dick and I have to defend his honor and punch people.”

John chuckled, “actually, it would probably be me defending your honor but whatever!”

With mutual eye rolls, the boys went back to work.

~~~~~~~~~

“Ugh!!!!”, Sherlock shrieked sometime later. “My brother is a fucking idiot!”

”Issue with the case?”, John looked up from his laptop. “Want to tell me about it?”

”It deals with the royal family! I’ve told him and told him not to give me a royal family case but no, he tries to trick me into it.” Sherlock stood and stomped towards the kitchen. “There aren’t enough drugs in England to make this palatable.”

John could hear his spouse muttering to himself as he slammed around the kitchen. Finally, in a quieter moment, John said, “what have the little darlings got into this time?”

”Oh it’s not so much them but the royal watchers. People are obsessed with them and when it was announced that several family members would be stepping back from their duties for various reasons, some of the loonier fans went off the deep end.” Sherlock reentered the sitting room with a plate of biscuits and set them between them. “There are potential terrorist plots against those who have been “mean” to the royals.”

”Oh dear god.”, John said with an eye roll. “That could be a long list. Where do I come in?”

”Oh you will have many uses but unfortunately we’ll have to be dressed for them.”

”Dressed?”, John looked up, ready to argue the point.

”But not until later this week!”, Sherlock assured him. “There will be no clothes on either of us (except for kink) until tomorrow morning. Ok?”

”OK. But remember, I’m the jealous type.”


	8. It’s Not Possible!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken musings

“It’s not possible Sherlock.”

“I’m telling you John, I saw it with my own eyes.”

John Watson, more than slightly inebriated, tried to visualize the image his husband kept insisting he’d seen. “Can’t be done!”, he stated firmly.

“I betcha it can!”, replied his equally intoxicated spouse.

~~~~~~~

“See, if we lay on our bed, and use the headboard to steady ourselves, we should be able to achieve the exact right angle.”, Sherlock assured his husband as he positioned his drunken (naked) body on the bed.

John, equally drunk (and naked), plopped down next to his husband. “It is not possible Sherlock. There is no way we can bend our bodies in such a way to suck our own dicks!”

“I saw it on a porn! It can be done.” Sherlock, prone with his legs in the air, held up his right hand solemnly.

“Can’t be done!”, stated the doctor as he manipulated his body into position next to his husband’s. “And I’ll prove it to you!”

“It’s a bet!”, Sherlock said happily.

~~~~~~~~

“I fucking told you it couldn’t be done!”, John yelled. “Now I’m stuck!”

“What am I supposed to do about it!”, his spouse yelled, face down on the bed. “I pulled something.” He tried moving gingerly. “Make that several somethings.”

“You are insane!”, the stuck doctor yelled. “How am I going to get my leg back where it belongs?”

“I don’t know! I still think if I could have bent a few more inches... I need another vertebrae in my neck! That’s the answer.”, the detective exclaimed.

“Gee, I know just what to get you for Christmas.”, John replied sarcastically. “How am I going to get unstuck?”, he yelled.

“We could call Lestrade.”, Sherlock began.

“Oh fuck no! We’d never hear the end of it! You’ll just have to get me unstuck yourself.”

“Maybe we should drink more wine. Then we might just melt.”, Sherlock theorized.

“Give me the damn bottle!”, John exclaimed.


	9. Kill Me Now Please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say it with me: hangover.

John slowly opened his eyes, grabbed his head and buried his face under his pillow. “Dear god. What did you do to me? My hair hurts, my leg is screaming, my back and neck are on fire and I think I might throw up.” Burying his head under his pillow didn’t seem to help. “Kill me now.”, he mumbled.

Sherlock, in just as bad shape if not worse, moved and yelled. “Fuck me. I can’t move. My back is screaming.” He tried to sit up and fell back yelling.

“Why did you think you could suck your own dick?”, John asked. “I wasn’t dreaming was I? We got drunk and tried to give ourselves head, right?”

“I saw it on a movie.”, Sherlock replied. “The actor seemed to enjoy it. Just think of the experiments!”

”Just think of the teenage boys who’d never come out of their bedrooms.” John responded. “It’s Monday, we had a great weekend, I’m still naked, my spouse is still naked but I’m not going to be able to make it to work because we got drunk and tried to get in a position not possible by someone without a two foot dick and extra vertebrae. I would kill you if I wasn’t in need of traction.”

”If you can move your arm to my sidetable and open the drawer, you’ll find paracetamol, muscle relaxers and the good pain meds.”, Sherlock sighed. “I’m not sure I can do it.”

”Oh dear god I love your stupid ass!”, John started inching his arm slowly across the bed. After much starting and stopping, swearing and yelling, he finally made it. “Water? I refuse to drink wine.”

”Hair of the dog!”, said the facedown detective. “Water is over there as well. Could you hand me some?”

”I shouldn’t, considering this is all your fault. But since I love you.” John handed his spouse some pills and the water. “What are we going to do today, flat on our backs in bed?”

The detective lifted his head. “We could watch that porn...”


	10. Two days Later...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wrap up.

Sherlock, dressed, was hunched over his microscope as John, also dressed, came into the room.

“It feels really weird to wear clothes again,” John remarked. “How goes the case?” He leaned over and kissed his spouse.

“Weird.”

John waited for more. Then prompted, “weird?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.” John moved aside. “Tea?”

”Mold spores.”

”I’ll take that as a yes.” John prepared two cups and even added the insane amount of sugar his husband required in his. Putting the cup within Sherlock’s arm range, John began making breakfast.

”That’s Mycroft’s case isn’t it? What do mold spores have to do with insane royal groupies?” John was scrambling eggs as he spoke.

No answer.

”Sherlock!”, John yelled.

His husband looked up, “oh! Hello John. Did you sleep well?”

”Hello John? I’ve been standing here talking to you for fifteen minutes!” John put the scrambled eggs on a plate and put it in front of his husband. “Now eat! I’m not naked so you’ll just have to use your imagination to get hungry.”

Sherlock picked up his fork and began to eat with a faraway look in his eye and a smile on his lips. John just rolled his eyes and picked up his fork. “If you give yourself an erection, it will be up to you to do something about it!”

”I have it on good authority that I’m hard to resist.” Sherlock began humming and gyrating in his chair.

”We don’t have time for a quickie this morning! I have to go to work after missing the last two days because of you! And you need to deal with this case for Mycroft so stop looking at me like that and quit licking your lips!”, John said sternly.

”I want to lick you John!”

John put his hands over his ears, “I’m not listening to you.”

”Yes you are John. Are you wearing your red pants?”, his husband asked easily.

”God damn it! Now I’m going to be late!”, John said as he lunged for his spouse.


End file.
